How Ordinary Moms Can Raise Extraordinary Kids

As December 16th approaches, my family is excited about two extremely important events: my birthday, and the U.S. release of Rogue One: A Star Wars Story.

As I reflect on this upcoming Walt Disney Studios Film, I can’t help but find similarities with my motherhood journey.

Rogue One is an inspirational Action-Adventure film about a group of ordinary people who band together to accomplish an extraordinary mission.

Since motherhood is a mom’s most cherished mission, and the word extraordinary means “very unusual or remarkable,” I know that ordinary moms can raise extraordinary kids.

I will admit I have three extraordinary daughters, and anyone who has met Elisha and Elyssa, especially, can attest to that. And with all their achievements and all my endeavors, there’s this spotlight on our lives, so I’m usually hearing “what a great mom” or “how strong” or “how inspiring” I am, or how my kids are “a reflection of their mom.” I certainly don’t feel that way at all.

I am an everyday ordinary mom, and I only call myself The Positive MOM because, on one of the darkest nights of my life, I decided I would strive to be.

I was 25 when I gave birth to Elisha. You could say I wasn’t that young, but emotionally, I was a baby. I didn’t know anything about mothering, especially since I had just recently decided that motherhood was in the stars for me and to pursue a relationship with my own mother.

Sure, I read every parenting book and magazine I could get my hands on, and took breastfeeding classes, and “Baby Boot Camp” classes at the Naval Base, but that was because I felt alone and clueless, not because that’s all you need to have a child.

It’s really sweet to hear reassuring, uplifting, and encouraging words, and God knows sometimes I need them, but most of the time, I don’t feel qualified to give parenting advice – so I don’t. I don’t tell other moms how to do it; I am blessed to be able to show them how I do it…

And I learned on my own, not because I was experienced, an expert, or an extraordinary mom, but because I courageously did things my way. Being a positive mom is being a rebel mom: mothering on my own terms.

One of my favorite verses in the Bible can be found in Romans 12:2 in the New Testament:

“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

You can raise extraordinary kids, even in today’s world where we all face overwhelming challenges and pressures. But to do so, you must be bold and refuse to conform to what you see others do or say you’re supposed to do.

Seek within, in your own mind, your own convictions, and your own intuition, what is your own way to guide your child. I’m going to share three guidelines that have worked for me on my mission:

Think Less ~ Feel More

Rebels don’t overthink! When you follow your own beat, you don’t struggle to fit in a mold, they feel what is right and follow that path.

Whether you call it “the force,” the Spirit, or your intuition, there’s an inner voice that is ever seeking to guide you in all aspects of your life, even in being a mom. As we forsake overthinking and choose to listen to our inner guidance, we are free to make bold choices from the heart, exercise the courage to take healthy risks and embrace ourselves and our children as the person we are meant to be.

The number one regret most moms express, whether it is about their pregnancy, birthing experience, or raising their small child, is to have done it someone else’s way, for fear of judgment, and not the way they wanted to in the first place.

Practice Open Communication

Rebels say what they feel! Open communication takes the form of active listening and open expression, followed by a demonstration of empathy, unconditional support, and complete acceptance.

I wholeheartedly believe that my children are extraordinary because they were encouraged to be who they are, and because they are not labeled, shamed, or micromanaged.

My daughters are special because ALL children are special, but unfortunately, not ALL children have the opportunity to freely express who they are, their emotions, dreams, and fears.

And every one of us, ordinary moms, have the power to love our children as they are, to express that love, and to act with kindness.

Focus On Potential

I learned the most empowering parenting lesson as a rebel child, as I saw the contrast between a parent who expected perfection versus a parent who believed in me while allowing me the freedom to make mistakes. The first approach was demoralizing, while the second helped me become self-motivated and taught me to take initiative, and see “failure” as feedback.

In raising my daughters, I have prayed for the strength to recover from perfectionism and fear-based “protection,” to be flexible, and to see each mistake I make as an opportunity to learn – and teach.

As I identify their gifts, passions, and talents, I make an effort to steer them in that direction, even when it is scary and not convenient, and to give my children the encouragement and sound guidance they need to believe in themselves.

Yeah, I’m sure you and I are partners in the ordinary routine of everyday life with kids: meal time, play time, bath time, school or homeschool, boo-boo kissing, bed time, and extra curricular activities… With a little dash of intention, as we focus on the extraordinary people each of our children can become, we can turn these mundane tasks into opportunities to help them be creative, learn to handle their own emotions, and think for themselves.

As my 40th birthday approaches, I continue on the quest to heal my wounds, to shed my baggage, and to focus on the mission at hand.

I am excited to see Rogue One: A StarWars Story on my birthday. It is the first in a series of stand-alone films. Unlike the saga films which follow the linear story of the SKYWALKER family, stand-alone films can take place any time on the Star Wars timeline.

These films allow the filmmakers the opportunity to explore the universe and experiment with different styles and genres. Rogue One is unique from any other Star Wars film in its style and perspective. It includes massive battles, but ultimately it is a very personal story told through the eyes of five ordinary people who choose to do extraordinary things.

You can expect a new look, a new feel, and a new perspective, as Gareth’s unique style-utilizes a lot of intimate hand-held camera work while working on an enormous canvas. He has created a more realistic, believable world. It is still a Star Wars film but it feels fresh and new. It has a “boots on the ground” perspective.

I am most excited about the strong diverse international cast, reflecting our real world! Rogue One has a talented ensemble cast which includes Felicity Jones (UK), our very own Latino Diego Luna (Mexico), Ben Mendelsohn (Australia), Alan Tudyk (U.S), Mads Mikkelsen (Denmark) Forest Whitaker (U.S.), Riz Ahmed (UK/Pakistan), Jiang Wen (China), Donnie Yen (China/Hong Kong).

To find out more about Rogue One: A StarWars Story, visit StarWars.com, like on Facebook, follow on Twitter @StarWars and on Instagram @StarWarsMovies. Also follow along our rebellion with #RebeldesUnidos.

Even though the world may seem like it’s coming undone, you and I, as ordinary as we may feel, can make a real difference as moms, as we raise extraordinary kids.

Are you with me? What are your tips on raising extraordinary kids? Remember the words of Gordon B. Hinckley: “The major work of the world is not done by geniuses. It is done by ordinary people, with balance in their lives, who have learned to work in an extraordinary manner.”  Thank you for all you do, extraordinary mom!

Founder of the Positive MOM® and creator of the S.T.O.R.Y. System: a blueprint to craft and share powerful stories that will transform your results and help others do the same. Dr. Elayna Fernández is a single mom of 4, an award-winning Storyteller, Story Strategist, and Student of Pain. She’s a bestselling author, internationally acclaimed keynote speaker, and 5x TEDx speaker. She has spoken at the United Nations, received the President’s Volunteer Lifetime Achievement Award, and was selected as one of the Top Impactful Leaders and a Woman of Influence by SUCCESS Magazine. Connect with Elayna at thepositivemom.com/ef and follow @thepositivemom. To receive a gift from Elayna, click HERE.

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