Motherhood is an amazing journey, but not necessarily the blissful experience everyone thinks it is. 

I’ve been so sick – the morning sickness and nausea have been almost unbearable, the fatigue has been exhausting, and between the hormones, the realities of life as a pregnant single mom and only nurturer and provider for my daughters, and the process of recovering depression, it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions. 

I’m sure you can relate. Each trimester comes with its own ills. In the first trimester, we are faced with the real or perceived threat of miscarriage, feeling drained, and yucky sick. During the second trimester, we worry about birth defects, going into labor too early, and gestational diabetes,  and during the third trimester, you worry about being ready, having everything you need, what kind of delivery and birth you will experience, or whether you’ll be a good mom, just to name a few.

Even if you planned your pregnancy and waited for this baby your whole life, you never feel like you’re ready for this child, and knowing that this life inside you can be so fragile is downright terrifying. The constant fear of complications, the anxiety of facing motherhood, and having to deal with other people trying to impose their beliefs, their agenda, and their negativity on you… it’s A LOT!

This has been a rough week in my pregnancy, to say the least. Because of my “advanced maternal age,” I was immediately placed in a high risk pregnancy slot, making scary and judgmental messages the norm in my communication with healthcare providers, who seem to view my pregnancy as an illness. I don’t let that get that to me… until last Monday.

I received concerning news about my baby that I will not dare repeat and I was falling into a deep pit of despair. I cried, I vented, I prayed… and then I asked everyone to pray with me for this beautiful girl growing inside of me. I am grateful for the people in my life who don’t ask, just pray (or send positive vibes or healing thoughts if they’re not the praying kind).

I believe in prayer and I believe that our words have the power to influence our reality. Even when those words are hard to think and speak and even harder to believe because of adversity, sad circumstances, or harsh conditions, we must speak positively until we start to believe it, or at least until the tension of our worries and concerns start to melt away. 

I decided that reading, writing, and listening to positive affirmations would help me feel powerful instead of powerless in this time. Instead of focusing on what could go wrong, I want to release the negativity, speak with faith, and create healing in my pregnancy.

Neuroplasticity teaches us that our brain can be reprogrammed and that we can form new neural pathways. Just like we focus on eating a healthy diet, taking our prenatal vitamin each day, and practicing exercises to prepare for childbirth, we can harness the power of positive affirmations to overcome negative thoughts and turn negative feelings related to pregnancy into positive ones.

I’m a motherhood coach and educator, not a medical doctor or childbirth professional, so I’m not saying that affirmations are magical solutions when issues arise in pregnancy or bring miraculous results. There is definitely no guarantee that positive affirmations will actually change the outcome of your pregnancy.

However, there are studies that indicate that positive pregnancy affirmations provide us a way to calm our troubled hearts and anxious minds, helping us to create a peaceful, joyful, and grounding environment for baby right now. 

After I started saying, seeing, and feeling a positive alternative to what I was told in that appointment, I felt able to rest, willing to eat, and more hopeful about working toward possible solutions.

It takes courage to decide to only allow positive energy in your life, and even though negativity is everywhere, I am proud of myself for saying NO to drama and making my home my sanctuary. I encounter judgment when I say I don’t have a spouse or a partner and that I’m a pregnant single mom, but I am happy to know my home is no longer toxic and I’ve created a safe space for myself and my family. 

I was hospitalized a few weeks ago due to another scare and when the nurse asked me whether I am safe at home, I started to cry tears of joy. Even though everyone around me wanted me to fight for this “marriage,” I am grateful I listened to my gut. The absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

It’s hard not to slide into negativity when you’re either expected to feel happy, excited, and blissful all the time or you’re told everything that can go wrong will and it’s somehow your fault.

When I feel that I’m allowing the negative pregnancy and childbirth messaging and images from the media or the people around me to get to me, or when I feel the narrative in my head is not aligned with the outcome I desire, I use positive pregnancy affirmations to rewrite those stories, and tell myself something that makes my pregnancy more enjoyable and empowering.

I have to remind myself that I am growing a life inside of me and to speak to myself as I would speak to a friend that was going through the same physical discomfort, mental anguish, and emotional overwhelm as I am. We can be so hard on ourselves!

You can use positive affirmations to release fearful thoughts and emotions and replace them with positive thinking and empowering feelings. 

How To Write Your Own Positive Affirmations

Positive affirmations are best when written in present time (I am…); however, if you feel that your past preconceptions are creating resistance, you can use future tense (I will…).

Positive Affirmations must not include negative wording. Because you are using positive affirmations to train your mind for pregnancy, birth, and motherhood, the key is to encourage positive imagery within your thoughts. If you focus on what you do not want, you will bring that into your awareness. If I tell you to NOT think about a purple balloon, what do you think about?

Positive affirmations must engage your senses. It’s not enough to think them: hand-write them, recite them out loud and often, use background music to stimulate your brain while reading them, visualize the experience, and feel the feelings you would feel if what you are wishing was really happening in this moment, so that the positive words will really sink in effectively.

If you want positive affirmations you can use to ease anxiety and fear during pregnancy and birth, check out my list here. 

I am very grateful for having this tool in my personal kit to help me fight depression and anxiety during pregnancy. I don’t want to hold negative emotions like doubt, fear, or shame any longer than necessary, so rather than judging myself or feeling for feeling my feelings, I am taking ownership of them.

Did you write your own positive affirmations during pregnancy? Pregnancy will never be all bliss and peace, but it doesn’t have to be a traumatic disaster – and positive affirmations can help.

[ela]