How To Love Your Daughter Through the Knots and Tangles

I get many compliments on my girls: they’re polite, they’re smart, they’re confident, they’re talented, they’re wise beyond their years, they’re disciplined, they’re sweet… and the list goes on. I am, naturally, a very proud mom. I’m always proud of them (even when they do something that disappoints me), but being proud of myself is not something that comes so natural. 

One area I’ve always felt inadequate and have criticized myself about is the lack of expertise when it comes to hair. My daughters have gorgeous hair, and I suppose I had something to do with them having it, but I guarantee you I have nothing to do with maintaining it, other than my insisting on keeping it clean. My girls are not often the ones with the “great hair day” or the “great hair do;” not when I had anything to do with it, anyways.

I have absolutely zero talent when it comes to hair.

I’ve mostly come to terms with my hair-styling handicap because I’m on a mission to forsake perfection; however, when I see the cute hairdos my girls are missing out on, I totally feel like “I’m not mom enough” and I have to battle my inner bully to let that feeling go.

Elisha has long, wavy, strong, brown hair. Elyssa has a combination of springy, wavy thick brown hair, Eliana has thin and fine brown curls. Such a variety of gorgeous full hair, hard to manage, maintain, and detangle.

When I was a child, I was labeled hyper, medicated, and criticized because I “could not” sit still. The daily hair wrangle was a traumatic experience for me, to say the least. With the years, I’ve found that my scalp is very sensitive and that’s probably why the detangling process (with no detangler) felt like torture for me. I am sure at some level that had something to do with my dreading the unavoidable detangling regime. I have all girls!!!

With the process of giving myself more grace (or maybe because I’m a “mature mom” now), I’ve started to look for ways to make my life easier, to welcome shortcuts, and to embrace what is already “out there” that can help me with those activities that don’t come so natural to me.

When I came across the Johnson’s® NO MORE TANGLES® line, I set my eyes on the prize, and it was like I saw the light at the end of the mom tunnel. I am relieved that I can start enjoying the hair routine without fear of traumatizing my child. I know it sounds dramatic, but it is what is true for me. I want my interactions with my toddler to be positive. That’s not too much too ask, right?

Sure, not ALL experiences are magical when you have a two-year-old. However, I’ve found that my hair-care routine can actually become a beautiful memory that we can both treasure. 

My hair styling process with Pige has become quick, easy, and tangle‐free, with this easy 3‐step regimen:

• Cleanse your child’s hair with a 2‐in‐1 Shampoo and Conditioner (For Eliana, I the Johnson’s® NO MORE TANGLES® Thick and Curly, AKA “the blue one” – “the green one” is for Thin & Straight hair, and was claimed by my “soon-to-be-13-years-old-baby” LOL)
• Nourish their locks utilizing the Johnson’s® NO MORE TANGLES® Leave-in Conditioner
• Style their hair using a brush or wide tooth comb and Johnson’s® NO MORE TANGLES® Detangling Spray

I’ve struggled with hair washing and hair combing, trying to get through the stubborn knots without the crying, the screaming, the pulling, the meltdowns, and the overall feeling of failure.

I’m grateful for having the opportunity to develop patience during the process (with special mentions to the school days when you’re rushing to get out of the door looking decent).

Here are 21 things you can say to heal your sad memories of knots and tangles, to make hair-styling a meaningful moment in your day, and to love your daughter (or son) through it all:

1. Compliment your child’s hair, exactly as it is
2. Express how beautiful she is, inside and out
3. Find specific things she did right the day before and tell her how proud you are of her
4. Sing the lyrics “nothing you confess will make me love you less” (I love that song!)
5. Ask her open questions about her day
6. Provide a safe, supportive environment where your daughter can share her hopes and dreams
7. Encourage her to ask you questions and assure her you’ll answer them or find the answer
8. Narrate a story from your childhood – bonus points if it’s an embarrassing one!
9. Recite her strengths and ask her how it feels to be so “awesome”
10. Apologize for a recent time when you lost your cool, and assure her “we all throw tantrums, sometimes, but we can learn from them”
11. Inspire her to share her personal stories with you
12. Be silly and funny with her, make her laugh
13. Convey “I love you” every chance you get
14. Validate her fears, sadness, and insecurities, then help her move past them
15. Tell your child you believe in her
16. Notice what your daughter likes and show an interest in it
17. Ask her for help. She’s better than you at some things (and it’s great to admit it!)
18. Say “I can’t believe you _____,” telling her something specific she did
19. Let her know she’s a gift from God, and you can see why He sent her to you
20. Find something you admire about your daughter and voice it
21. And exclaim “We’re always so busy and on-the-go, I’m so blessed to have this time just to be with you!”

You can close your hair-styling routine with a hug. You know, it’s not so much about  the words you use, it’s about taking the time and taking some steps to make your child feel special.

People (and this is truer for kids) may forget what you said, or even what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

What I learned through the rough times will stay with me, yet I welcome the opportunity to keep the little one’s locks nourished, healthy-looking, fresh-smelling, soft, and manageable, without the “ouches” and “ows.”

I don’t think anyone wants to see a dreading look when going for the hairbrush or having to chase them with the comb. That actually makes the entire process a lot more frustrating. It’s great when the kids associate the experience with closeness, bonding, and the assurance that her mom actually loves them.

And, let me tell you, Little Pigeon loves praise, and feeling, looking, and smelling fresh… (maybe because she is an expert on getting food all over her face body, and hair – which dries up in clumps) plus the fact that she has her own products!

I know I won’t get compliments about my talent with girls’ hair styles, just yet.. but I’m happy having a different type of good hair day: not getting caught up in the untangling, embracing my daughter’s active personality, and investing our time in a positive way.

What does a good hair day look like for your toddler? I’d love to hear your tips on getting through the knots and tangles of the toddler years.
[ela]