Finding Beauty In What Seems To Be Ugly

It’s the holiday season and, for many people, that means it’s time for family fun and gift giving, while for many others it’s a time when they remember they are lonely, broke, and broken.

I know, because being an immigrant and a single mom, sometimes you feel like you’re the only one in the whole universe who can’t be with family or can’t afford to buy anything for your little ones.

One of my mottos is to collect more memories and less things, so instead of focusing on how you should spend more, it must be about how to give more with less, whether you shop online or in-store.

Finding value and affordability for those special beings on your gifting list and spending less this season can be a relief for many moms who want to give but are struggling with low income and high prices. Price is not what matters – it’s meaning!

My daughters and I don’t necessarily shop for ourselves during this season because we don’t exchange presents, but we like to check out the variety of stylish and affordable fashion, home and beauty merchandise, and sometimes you do find impressive deals.

One of my favorite quotes about holiday gifting is by Oren Arnold:

Christmas gift suggestions:

To your enemy, forgiveness.

To an opponent, tolerance.

To a friend, your heart.

To a customer, service.

To all, charity.

To every child, a good example.

To yourself, respect.”

There are a few items we always get, like nativities, because I collect them, and ugly Christmas sweaters, which we don’t think are ugly at all!

When we were finally able to each get ugly Christmas sweater, we felt it was the most amazing thing ever!

Henry David Thoreau once said that “The fault–finder will find faults even in paradise,” and while that is true, sometimes, we are fault-finders because there is fault to find – and fault indeed is everywhere.

If you are feeling stressed, depressed, and distressed, it’s not because you’re the Scrooge of the season, but because you are honoring true and valid feelings that invade you this time of year, and that is brave, my dear mom friend.

I think that ugly Christmas sweaters remind us that finding beauty in what seems to be ugly is really possible.

The ugly Christmas sweater has become such a trendy item in the holiday season, and one of the most popular theme for holiday parties.

Many people call them “tacky Christmas sweaters,” because they don’t like the word “ugly,” and even though you can’t deny they are sometimes ugly and always tacky, they are warm, fuzzy, and can help you express who you are.

Vancouver, BC, is said to be the birthplace of the ugly Christmas sweater, because they lovingly embraced its ugliness in modern times, but people have been wearing “Jingle Bell Sweaters” since the 1950’s, and they were prominently showcased in ’80s television.

What used to be considered hideous now enjoys its own national holiday: December 18 is National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day and it is at the center of many holiday parties and celebrations.

Remember Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy’s ugly Christmas sweater in Bridget Jones’ Diary? The worldwide perception was that the more more tinsel, frills, bows, pom-pom or felt applique, the uglier the sweater. 

But just like ugly Christmas sweaters have shifted from being tacky to trendy, we can shift the way we see the ugly things we experience. But this didn’t happen in a matter of minutes, either, because appreciating the purpose of the ugly in our lives really does take reflection and effort. 

In the midst of grieving or suffering, the last thing we should do is be hard on ourselves, feeling guilty about “wallowing in our pain,” but it serves us to realize that acknowledging the beauty does not invalidate the pain. I’m not talking about escaping the sadness or hurt, pretending your pain doesn’t exist or it doesn’t count. Whatever you are going through that you feel is ugly, it is – period.

But what if you decided it’s a good time for finding the beauty in what seems ugly?

Perhaps you could meditate to see if this ugly experience has something to teach you.

Maybe you could reflect to other frustrating, exasperating, irritating situations that turned into something positive.

Or could there possibly be something in this experience that you could be grateful for?

Just like with the ugly Christmas sweater, we can invite the possibility that we can find beauty, peace, gratitude (and even joy), even if the thing itself doesn’t change. The ugly Christmas sweater hasn’t changed, but our view of it has.

After being through so many painful, tragic, and traumatic experiences in my life, I have found that they have helped me realize my strength, connect to and understand others who are in pain, and learn so much about myself and about life that I really ignored. Many of my struggles have turned into awakenings, because I have invited the possibility of them to be.

Possibility is not certainty. I’m not saying you will, no matter what, embrace every difficulty or loss as a teacher, but I’m saying you can work to get yourself ready to be open to this concept, not out of self-blame that you are “not positive enough,” but out of a genuine curiosity and a desire to make friends with what is. The keyword is TRUST.

Trust that life is happening for you, not to you.

Trust that even when it seems really ugly, you are loved, supported, and protected.

Trust that the essence of this trial is progress – and progress IS success.

Trust the process. I know it’s hard to do. I know there are times in which it feels impossible to do. I also know that it is doable and that YOU can do it. 

The last couple of months have been rough on me emotionally. I have felt so much anger, disappointment, and many of my traumas have been severely triggered.

It’s so hard to see past the pit of depression and despair you’re in, and you look around and it’s all ugliness and darkness. The idea of the ugly Christmas sweater brought me some peace and I wanted to make sure you felt it too!

How do you go about finding beauty in pain? Share your tips or your story in the comments below!

[ela]