Teaching Our Children To Embrace Change

As we sat in church, amidst almost a thousand people, my child burst into tears. Our church boundaries changed, which meant she would no longer “be with her friends” every Sunday. Change. 

“The always dreaded, painful, ugly … yet the only constant, the inevitable… change“, I thought, as I felt a teachable moment headed my way.

Who Moved My Cheese? A great book our family read about embracing change.

As I’ve navigated many paths of change,  I’ve learned that even though structure, rules, boundaries, routine, and a familiar environment are requirements to feel safe and self-assured, change is a friend, not a foe. 

Without change, there wouldn’t be butterflies. If we get upset when things don’t go (or stay) exactly as we expect, we will seldom be happy.

As she cried, I used 3 strategies to help my child cope with change:

Set An Example ~  

It’s easier said than done, but in moments such as these, we must choose to have the courage to be the best possible version of our imperfect selves, to show them that we face our challenges calmly, with hope and self-control.I put my own emotions aside to focus on letting my daughter know there is a bigger plan, that I am here for her, and that I will show her the way.

Honor Their Feelings ~ 

I hugged and comforted my little girl and assured her it was natural to feel sad, angry, anxious, disappointed, or fearful in this situation. It was a tender moment of acknowledging, openly talking, and openly listening, that gave her permission to deal with her emotions more effectively. I know she knew my love and, well, that is what truly matters. Isn’t it?

Help Them Move On ~ 

There is a difference between expressing emotion (frustration, sadness, disagreement) and dwelling in negative thinking, stuck in dramatic worst-case scenarios.

As I felt sobbing and trembling, I embraced her in a hug and kissed her as I helped her up, whispering it was fine and I wanted her to take notes. The speakers at church were sharing messages about being happy with what is and trusting God and His ways, and her focus was on finding solutions, learning lessons, and looking at the bright side.

I am really happy I did not commiserate with my daughter with the popular “change is hard” attitude, and that she is now able to see the positive perspective and the silver lining. I praised my beautiful little girl for handling her disappointment with faith, as I grew excited for a new church, new friends, new opportunities to serve, a new chapter. As moms, we lift as we climb.

True, she will miss her friends, but I know now that she (and her sister) has tools that can help her cope, embrace, and even celebrate change through life’s unexpected and uninvited twists and turns.

I am grateful that adaptability and flexibility are learned virtues, and that as a mom, I can embrace change as a conscious opportunity to teach my children crucial life lessons that will guide them toward the path I envision for them and that is setting them up for success, balance, and joy.

How do you teach your son or daughter the positive principle of adaptability?

Founder of the Positive MOM® and creator of the S.T.O.R.Y. System: a blueprint to craft and share powerful stories that will transform your results and help others do the same. Dr. Elayna Fernández is a single mom of 4, an award-winning Storyteller, Story Strategist, and Student of Pain. She’s a bestselling author, internationally acclaimed keynote speaker, and 5x TEDx speaker. She has spoken at the United Nations, received the President’s Volunteer Lifetime Achievement Award, and was selected as one of the Top Impactful Leaders and a Woman of Influence by SUCCESS Magazine. Connect with Elayna at thepositivemom.com/ef and follow @thepositivemom. To receive a gift from Elayna, click HERE.

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