The Dangerous Trap of Single Mom Pride

As a single mom for 8 years, since Elyssa was barely 1 and Elisha had just turned 2, I am quite familiar with the ups, the downs, and the in-betweens of single parenthood, especially since I had no family or close friends around.

I am literally astounded at the miracles I received as a single mom. I honestly believe that because there was no husband or father at our home, God showed up even bigger in our lives. I confess I don’t know how I accomplished half of the things I achieved. I was able to start a business, quit my day job, homeschool my girls in two languages, travel around the nation and overseas, and even win awards.

Do you remember the year Michael Phelps won the gold medal? Debbie Phelps became every single mom’s hero, she raised an Olympic titan who started out with learning disability, went to grad school, ran a middle school, and remained a sweet nurturing mother to him and his sisters.

Out of the 13.7 million single parents reported in the 2009 Census, 84% are mothers. 79.5% of custodial single mothers are gainfully employed and a very little percentage lives in poverty and/or receives public assistance.

And I’m not saying I think it would be productive to wait for a prince or Knight in shining armor to come rescue us, or to even for a second think that our homes are flawed in any way. I know it is futile to start a search for “love” outside ourselves, too.

Being an independent woman means you can manage without the help of another. It doesn’t mean you have to, or must prove it.

The balance starts with being open to the possibility of a loving partnership. I can’t believe it’s been over a year already since my wedding last year. It marked the start of a redefined family unit: a happy, peaceful, God-centered, yet fatherless home, welcomed a loving, patient, hard-working, noble man to lead and to guide, to protect and provide. It has been quite the journey, and just like the Italians say, in our family, we ATTRAVERSIAMO. We are crossing together, growing together, and working towards an eternity of happiness together.

I admit that I didn’t know how much I yearned for him until he found me, and I confess that I am more empowered with his presence than I thought I’d be. I feel the good kind of pride to know I let go of fears I didn’t even know I had. Romance, chivalry, masculinity… they’re all delicious treats to me!

Happiness is on the other side of Fear… and the bridge is paved with FAITH.

I am BLESSED, I am FAVORED, I am GRATEFUL! I celebrate men, fatherhood, and marriage. I celebrate my husband, I celebrate our new baby, I celebrate our new family… I celebrate all families… and I celebrate single moms who have the courage to let go of false pride and recognize that being dependent is not healthy, being independent gives us power, but being interdependent is the way to peace, fulfillment, and happiness that is possible between a man and a woman who unite in partnership to raise a righteous family.

Be open to partnership, and avoid the trap!

[ela]